True Nature
by TrixietheDixiePixie
Summary: Oneshot. Jou has never been safe; now the one person who has always hurt him the most is gone, and yet...he's never been such a danger to himself. SXJ


Hello, one and all; I'm not quite sure where this fic's going yet, but I've had the urge to write it for weeks! Why? Because I effing

LOVE Jane's Addiction, and they sooo remind me of Seto and Jou. If you really wanna get a feel for what's going on here, do

yourself a favor and go listen to them. Seriously...anyway. This will be a series of oneshots, inspired by various Jane's Addiction

songs, and in chapter format. So...that's all. Have fun!

Summary: A serious of one shots inspired by various songs by "Jane's Addiction." Some of them are sad, some of them are funny, and

some of them are just plain messed up...Enjoy. SxJ. (P.S: NOT a song fic! Contains NO lyrics!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, its characters, and I WISH I owned the music written by Jane's Addiction, but...I don't. Sadly.

Italics=flashback.

-------------------------------------Jane Says-------------------------------------------

Jou paced the floor of the mansion's living room, impatiently awaiting the arrival of his lover; the clock on the wall read 12:01 am and Seto, his boyfriend, had been expected home hours earlier. He ran a hand through messy blond hair as he thought back on

the day's earlier events; he and Seto had been fighting for most of the afternoon and the argument had to be cut short, as his lover

was due in for a business meeting. What worried Jou was not the fact that Seto was running late; for the first time in the duration

of their relationship, which had been going on for just over seven years, Seto had threatened to call it quits.

_"I just can't handle this anymore! I don't have time to talk about it; we'll deal with it when I get home."_

_Jou felt stupid for protesting, but he couldn't help it. "You can't just walk the fuck out on me like this! We've got to take_

_care of this; who cares about being late for work?"_

_Seto fumed as he stepped closer into the blond's personal space, making his lover more than a little uncomfortable._

_"I care! Which is more than I can say about you; I can't fucking carry you anymore. Now, I have to get to this meeting; when_

_I get back, I'll let you know if I want to have one of the maids pack your bags for you."_

Jou felt tears of frustration sting the corners of his eyelids as he thought back on the argument he'd had with his boyfriend;

granted, things had been bad lately, but he never would've pictured their problems escalating to such a high level. The worst part was, he knew that most of the issues were caused by him, and there was still nothing he could do about it.

For months, Jou had been sinking deeper and deeper into depression; it began when he received news of his father's death.

The elder Jounouchi had finally drank himself into an early grave, and Jou couldn't quite figure out why it bothered him so much.

He'd always pictured having a sense of relief when the old man finally croaked; afterall, it would mean never risking bumping into

him on the street again, or receiving threatening phone calls whenever he somehow managed to obtain Jou's phone number. That

alone had caused issues with Seto; he was never pleased when Jou's father called one of the various Kaiba Corp. business lines,

threatening to kill the man that had "turned his son gay." Nonetheless, Seto realized that none of it was Jou's fault; the real problems began when the older man's corpse was discovered in a pool of his own vomit.

_"I just don't think you should go to the funeral; that's all. What's the big deal?" _

_"The big deal is, I have to see the bastard one more time before they put him in the ground. Whether I like it or not,_

_he put me on this earth, so I have to thank him for that, at least."_

_"Fine. You're being stupid, but have it your way."_

The fact that Seto didn't empathize with Jou was fine; afterall, Seto had his fair share of "father issues." Seeing as he was still bitter with Gozubaro, Jou understood why Seto came off as overly protective and even a bit insensitive. After Jou returned from his father's funeral, he broke down; he didn't leave the mansion for weeks, refused to eat much and barely found a reason to wake up in the morning. It wasn't that he missed his father; the fact that he DIDN'T miss him was what the blond found to be disturbing. He was so angry with the man, and when he finally died, he was downright happy. That was like reality smacking Jou in the face; what a horrible son he must be, to not cry at the funeral and to even roll his eyes when people wept over the man's corpse.

_"This man was one of the most honorable I had ever met," spoke Dr. Hiroshi, whom had been friends with Mr. Jounouchi_

_for well over 20 years. "He was kind, considerate, passionate about life..."_

_Jou scoffed. Yeah, that sounded like his Dad, alright._

_"But most importantly, he was a loving, devoted father to his children, especially Katsuya. Katsuya is his father's spitting _

_image, and will surely carry on his legacy."_

_This had Jou nearly rolling on the floor with laughter. For a moment, he questioned if he'd walked into the right funeral home;_

_surely the man couldn't be talking about HIS father._

_"Are you FUCKING kidding me?! The asshole's a bloody alcoholic! He DRANK himself to death, after disowning his own_

_son!"_

_It was at that point that Jou was removed from the viewing and left on the corner of a street, where he called the limo to come and pick him up._

Jou had to admit that Seto was at least proud of him for speaking his mind about his father; the only support he received

from his lover was when he spoke of how horrible the elder Jounouchi had been. Weeks past after the funeral, followed by months,

and Jou still wasn't functioning; there were times when he openly questioned whether he even deserved to live and that really got under Seto's skin. It was as if Seto expected him to just snap out of it; he was receiving no help in healing from his lover; not so much as a kind word of reassurance, and yet he was expected to bounce back to being cheerful, regular "Katsuya," as the CEO usually called him. The truth remained though, that cheerful, regular Katsuya had been beaten both physically and emotionally on a daily basis by his father, and now that his father had died, so had Katsuya. It was bizzare, and made very little sense, but to Jou, it was slowly becoming his daily reality.

Jou finally collapsed on the couch after pacing the floor for over an hour; he was so exhausted, and contemplated going to bed without his lover, but he was still bothered by the fact that Seto had yet to return and had turned off his cellphone; most likely, he was getting sick of Jou calling time after time. Finally, the blond became tired of waiting, and got up from the couch to pull on his coat and shoes. If Seto wasn't going to come home to him, then he would simply have to go to Seto.

It was a cold December night, and the blond shivered and wrapped his coat tighter around his thinned out body; he was pretty sure that the CEO would be asleep on the small couch in his office, and Kaiba Corp. was well within walking distance, so that's where he decided to begin looking for his lover. The icy wind blew relentlessly against his face as he ran toward the company, but he didn't care; his lover's absence was driving him crazy, and he had to have an explanation. He picked up his speed as he ran down the slick sidewalk; keeping his balance was becoming harder and harder, partly because of the ice on the ground, and also partly from running on very little sleep. He'd been up all night trying to figure out what was going to happen with Seto, and he had become both physically and mentally exhausted from it. He had to stop suddenly though, as he slammed into a body that had been standing still on the street corner. He looked up, and was met by a pair of familiar icy blue eyes.

Jou gulped from his spot on the ground. "Seto..."

Said tall brunet just glared down at him, as he realized who it was that had bumped into him.

"What are you doing here? I told you I'd be home late."

Jou quickly got back on his feet and didn't take the time to dust the snow off of his pants, which bit painfully at his legs through the thin fabric.

"No, you didn't tell me that! You just said you'd talk when you got home, and you never came home!"

Seto chuckled bitterly to himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Maybe I didn't want to come home; did you think about that?! Maybe I felt more at home in my fucking office. Maybe the

last thing I wanted to do was climb into bed with you."

"But why?" Questioned the blond.

"Because I don't know who the fuck you are anymore! Can you tell me, Katsuya?! I come home and you're still in bed;

I try and have something to do with you, but you just mope around the damn house. This isn't a relationship anymore; this is just you wanting me to hold your hand because Daddy isn't around to do it anymore!"

For what seemed like the hundredth time that night, Jou felt himself fighting back tears. He just couldn't believe the words coming out of his boyfriend's mouth.

"For fuck's sake, Katsuya, he BEAT you. He left bruises on you that you wanted ME to bandage up! And I just don't have

time for it anymore." Seto sighed and continued.

"The man's dead; I can't spend the rest of my life protecting you from him if I still have to do it even after he's gone. Goddamn it, you're fucking RIGHT to hate him; I WANT you to hate him!"

Jou began to shake as tears streamed down his face; he finally collapsed onto his knees from sheer exhaustion. He didn't even know what was going on with himself; how was he supposed to explain to his lover what he was dealing with? He DID hate his father, with a passion. The problem was, he didn't know what to do now that the man wasn't around to keep giving him reasons to hate him. His father was gone, and yet he still didn't feel like justice was served; he felt like the man should've lived long enough to finally realize what he had done to his son. Jou had convinced himself his entire life that his father deserved all of the rejection he had given him, and yet it wasn't until he died that Jou realized he only rejected him because he really wanted his father to apologize. He wanted to make him feel horrible about what he'd done, but instead he just died and left Jou still feeling worthless, pathetic and bitter. The man was lying under six feet of dirt, but he was STILL destroying his son's life and now there was nothing that Jou could do about it.

"How can I make you understand?" Jou climbed onto his feet and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Maybe I'm not as strong as you, or I don't have as much to hold against my father as you do to yours, but I can't help it.

I don't want him gone; I've lived for so long wanting him to die, and now, for some reason, I want him back. I don't know what to do now that he's gone."

Seto didn't have much to say; he simply shook his head and turned his back.

"You're a piece of work, Katsuya. You just don't know what you want. And until you do, I can't put up with you." With that, the tall brunet started to walk back to where he'd had his driver park.

"Go back to the mansion and get ready to leave; I don't want you to be there when I get back." Seto sighed. "I love you. Truly, I do. But I can't handle this any more." With that, Jou's lover and best friend of 7 years climbed into his vehicle and drove away.

Jou could feel himself shaking; partly because he was freezing in his pair of thin pajama pants, and partly because he was sobbing uncontrollably. He covered his mouth as he cried out; he felt sick, alone, freezing cold, and more than anything, shocked that his lover had left him. He tried to calm himself by taking a few breaths; he wasn't sure what he was going to do, but he couldn't simply stand on the street and freeze to death. As he went to stuff his hands in his coat pockets for warmth, he heard something rattling; he reached inside the pocket and pulled out a bottle of pills. They were the antidepressants he'd been prescribed after his father's death. He'd never taken them out of fear of becoming dependant, and had even forgotten that he'd had them, until now.

"Maybe they'll come in handy now," Jou thought to himself. Carefully, he twisted off the cap from the vile; he poured a handful of pills into his palm and stared down at the tiny white capsules, like a child eyeing a tasty treat in a candy shop.

"They're supposed to give me some relief...that's what the doctor said," Jou whispered outloud to himself.

"Maybe they can make the pain stop all together." Jou clamped his fist around the capsules tightly as he tried to convince himself that there must be a better way to deal with everything, but nothing really came to mind. He didn't see another way out. Quickly, he threw his head back and let the handful of capsules glide down his throat; he began to choke a bit, and almost hoped they'd all come back up, but they didn't. Instantly, Jou's eyes widened as he was hit with the reality of what he'd just done. Hoping that he had enough time left to get Seto to take him to the hospital, Jou raced toward Kaiba Corp.

--------------------------------------Seto's POV----------------------------------------

The sound of fingers furiously tapping at a keyboard filled Seto Kaiba's wide, empty office; he'd been desparately trying to let work preoccupy him in order to forget the night's events. For the past hour or so, he'd been trying to convince himself that he'd been right all along; he wanted so desparately to believe that he was right to leave Jou and that the blond had caused all of the problems they'd had for the past few months. The more and more he thought about it though, the more he became convinced that, really, he was just being an insensitive prick. Afterall, he of all people should understand what it's like to experience the death of someone you hate so much, but so desparately need.

The clicking of the keys stopped as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"....I've got to go find him."

With that, he got up from his seat, grabbed his coat, and rushed out the door.

------------------------------------Jou's POV---------------------------------------------

Jou's vision was becoming blurry; he knew he was getting closer to his ex lover's office, but he could no longer read the street signs or tell where the sidewalk ended into the street. He was pretty sure that he'd been nearly hit by a car, but he didn't care. His feet were starting to slow down, and he was running out of time. At the very least, he had to see Seto just one last time and apologize, for everything.

Time seemed to go by slower, and Jou's feet became heavier; he finally collapsed at the edge of the Kaiba Corp. doorway and wasn't coherent enough to notice a familiar pair of feet running toward him.

Seto didn't hesitate to pick the blond up and rush him into the warmth of the building; he didn't know what was wrong with his lover, but he guessed that he was suffering from hypothermia and had to get him out of the harsh sub-zero temperatures.

In the entrance way of Kaiba Corp., Seto laid Jou's head in his lap and saw that the blond's large brown eyes were half-lidded and distant looking; his skin felt cold and he was sweating, despite just having been in the freezing weather. Quickly, Seto called for an ambulance as he cradled his lover's shivering body; that's when he noticed a rattling coming from the incoherent blond's pocket.

Seto reached into the pocket, and to his horror, discovered the half-empty vile of antidepressants that Jou had consumed.

His hands shook so badly that the vile fell from them and bounced across the floor effortlessly; Seto looked down at Jou, hoping to ask the boy why he'd been so stupid and how he could do such a thing to him, but instead of seeing the half-lidded, glazed over brown eyes of his Katsuya, he instead looked at an apparently lifeless body; his chest had stopped rising with each breath he took, and his eyes had closed peacefully. Jou was gone, and the worst part was, Seto couldn't hate him; he wanted to be absolutely furious with Jou and tell him that life would've gone on whether Seto was in it or not, but the only thing he felt was guilt and regret, much like his lover had felt over the death of his father. He felt tears trickling down his cheeks as he ran his fingers through soft, straw colored hair; Jou was gone and it was too late to tell him how mad he felt for having been left alone.


End file.
